Crazy Yaoi Fangirls
by Dawnfur
Summary: Shizuo Heiwajima was not having a good day. He was attacked by some thugs who thought they could beat him, that damn flea was back in Ikebukuro, that damn flea got away from him again, and now some crazy 12 year old is following him around going on and on about his life and something called Shizaya. WTF? Warnings: Language, yaoi, complete and utter crack.


_**Okay, so I, like a bunch of other girls who are probably hiding the fact they love yaoi from their parents because they are either too young or embarrassed in this crazy and messed up world that really hates that thing called fate, love yaoi so I decided to make this! Don't know if this will be a one-shot or what. I'll see how it goes.**_

_**Summary: Shizuo Heiwajima was not having a good day. He was attacked by some thugs who thought they could beat him, that damn flea was back in Ikebukuro, that damn flea got away from him again, and now some crazy 12 year old is following him around going on and on about his life and something called Shizaya. WTF dude?**_

_**You will probably find out who that 12 year old is pretty quickly. Man, and my family think I'm innocent. XD Do I seem innocent to you people? Tell me, do I? Oh btw, I'm pretty good at summaries, but when it comes to titles, HELP ME SOMEBODY!**_

_**Warnings: Language, yaoi, and completely and utter crack.**_

_**Please note that this isn't to be taken seriously. At all.**_

"OMG, and then when you were a kid I was like, 'why is his hair brown then and now it's blonde' but then I realized that you must have dyed your hair so I was like 'OH now that makes total sense' and so…" The 12 year old girl kept talking and talking and talking and talking and it was getting really annoying to one Shizuo Heiwajima. How did he get stuck with a babbling 12 year old girl, you ask? Well it started early this morning while he was chasing the flea…

_**EPIC FLASHBACK TIME!**_

"_IZAAAAAAAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Shizuo cried out in outrage as he chased the informant with a vending machine. He didn't notice a young girl with gleaming eyes taking pictures and following them. When Shizuo lost sight of the flea, he finally noticed her when she started squealing._

"_OMG THAT WAS SO TOTALLY AWESOME!" The girl squealed with stars in her eyes. "I saw a real fight between the strongest man in Ikebukuro, Shizuo Heiwajima, and Shinjuku's informant, Izaya Orihara! Oh my DRRR, my fellow fans will be sooooo jealous once I post this on my blog! EEEEK!" She started snapping more pictures of Shizuo, who had a really confused look on his face._

"_Uhhh… excuse me, but who are you?" He asked. The girl happily bounced over to him and shook his hand._

"_Hi there!" She exclaimed happily. "My name is Dawn Kyda __**(Pronounced Kai-duh)**__! I'm a 12 year old Otaku and I'm proud of being weird! I love how you're so strong and I get that you don't like violence. Everybody else in Ikebukuro, except your friends which consist of a black Russian who sells sushi, the person you bodyguard, a headless rider, a deranged doctor, and three high schoolers, are all really lame for being afraid of you!" Shizuo appreciated the fact that this girl wasn't afraid of him, but did she ever stop talking?_

"_Err… Nice to meet you?" Shizuo said hesitantly._

"_It is nice to meet you too!" Dawn grinned._

_Dawn was of average height for a 12 year old. She had the darkest black hair. Her hair was parted to the left and faded into brown on her bangs and the tips of her hair. Her eyes were a really dark brown, almost black, color. She wore ripped jean shorts and a floral tank top. The girl looked normal and innocent enough, maybe a bit crazy, but still._

_Unfortunately, Shizuo's presumptions were wrong._

_**END EPIC FLASHBACK TIME!**_

"Why are you following me?!" Shizuo growled, but Dawn remained unfazed.

"Well _obviously_ I'm trying to see if I could meet Mikado, Masaomi, Anri, Erika, Walker, Kadota, Izaya, Celty, Shinra, and Simon if I continue following you," she stated as if it was obvious.

"Then why don't you follow the damn flea?"

"He has a switchblade on him and he isn't afraid to kill me, I think. You, on the other hand, are afraid of hurting minors and therefore won't hurt me no matter how much I annoy you!" Dawn smiled cheerily and began humming a song. "Oh there's the sushi place! And Izaya, Erika, Walker, Mikado, Masaomi, and Anri are all there at once! OOOO, and they're right next to each other!" The crazy 12 year old otaku ran over to Simon.

"Hello comrade," Simon greeted. "Would you like to buy some sushi? It good, it good." Dawn nodded eagerly.

"Yes please, you are Simon right?" She asked.

"Yes I am comrade," Simon said.

"COOL! You are awesome!" Dawn smiled widely and happily skipped into the restaurant with the a Kuroshitsuji manga in her hand. Where she got it, no one knows. Not even the author. _**(Me: W(hy)TF DID YOU BREAK THE FOURTH WALL?! Wait, aren't you that narrator that my cousin fired on her one-shot called Reality? Narrator: Uhhhh… BACK TO THE STORY!)**_ Dawn sat by Erika and got a bit annoyed when the person taking her order thought that she was waiting for her parents, but she stopped herself from yelling and calmly told the person that she was alone. She didn't dare mention the fact that Shizuo Heiwajima was the one who took her there, albeit he wasn't really trying to but still. Then she continued reading her manga.

"Is that a Kuroshitsuji manga?" Erika asked as she looked at the manga in the girl's hands. At first, she thought it was just a normal book, but upon further inspection she noticed that it said the manga's title.

"Yep!" Dawn said, looking up. "Hello there! I'm Dawn Kyda. I'm 12 years old and I'm an Otaku. You'd be surprised how many 11 and 12 year olds read manga. Especially yaoi." She grinned.

"Oh my god, are you a yaoi fan as well?" Erika asked excitedly.

"Does squealing during BL, searching for yaoi mangas and doujinshis, and trying to get two boys together count?" Dawn asked, grinning.

"YAY! I'm not alone!" Erika squealed. "Do you know Shizuo Heiwajima and Izaya Orihara?"

"Who doesn't?" Dawn snorted. "I think those two love each other. I mean, seriously, usually the people they hate the most is the person they love." Erika gasped.

"I know right?"

"I call them Shizaya. What do you think?"

"Oh my god, that is perfect."

The two yaoi fans talked excitedly as Kadota watched in horror. To him, there were now two Erikas. TWO! And she was another Otaku that would probably start hanging around more often.

Dawn stopped talking to Erika long enough to notice the others. "Oh, are these your friends? Let me guess, the other Otaku is Walker Yumasaki. The older one is Kyohei Kadota. And then the other one is Togusa something or other. Sorry, that guy bores me. OHEMGEE!" Dawn bounced over to the other three high school students. "You three are Mikado Ryuugamine, Anri Sonohara, and Masaomi Kida. Mikado-kun is the leader of the Dollars, Anri-chan is Slasher, and Masaomi-kun was the Yellow Scarves leader." She whispered that last sentence, and left them stunned. "And then there's the informant named Izaya Orihara!" She went to her next victim. "Actually, you bore me. You love humans, but there's nothing really all that exciting about you. Which is why I like you the least. Mikado and Shizuo are my favorite~!" She then proceeded to glomp the poor raven-haired high schooler, and internally smirked. _He won't be fazed. He'll probably say some shit about humans loving him as well,_ she thought.

"Ah, but all humans should love me as well~, so you probably don't hate me," Izaya said, smirking.

"Which is why I don't hate you," Dawn said. "You are a nuisance and a lot of people hate you, not to mention you remind me of that old crackpot named Dumb-door or whatever, but you're the only one capable of making Shizuo get angry without doing anything, so I get to witness your very entertaining fights. And you helped out Mikado, so I still have to give you some props. Other than that, please die a slow and painful death once you go completely insane and evil. Or better yet, fall victim to one of Shinra Kishitani's painful experiments. Which reminds me, I still have yet to meet those two! Oh look, my sushi's here." Dawn went back to her seat and began eating like she did nothing.

"How does that girl know so much about us?" Anri asked. "She's 12…" Masaomi shrugged. It was silent aside from chattering when the young girl burst out laughing. She was looking at something on her phone.

"Oh, Hetalia is awesome," Dawn chuckled. "By the way, Erika-chan~, will you help me get Shizuo and Izaya together?"

"I would love to help you!" Erika squealed. "What will your parents think about letting you hang out with us though?" Dawn rolled her eyes as she thought about that.

"Please, my parents would love for me to get out of the house," she said. "When we moved to Ikebukuro, I got out of that house so fast just so I could catch a glimpse of the strongest man in Ikebukuro and the Shinjuku informant fighting. And the Black Bike. And those color gangs. Especially the Dollars. Though no one knows the Dollars… Hmm…" She looked at the time on her phone. "I should go see if Shizuo-kun got shot yet so that I can meet the Black Rider and the crazy doctor!" The girl happily skipped out of the restaurant after leaving the bill.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"What an interesting little girl…" Izaya remarked.

* * *

Meanwhile, Dawn was calling out. "SHIZUO-KUN! SHIZUO-KUN! WHERE HAVE YOU GONE?! THERE YOU ARE!" The sadistic little girl ran towards Shizuo.

"I THOUGHT I LOST YOU!" Shizuo yelled.

"I know EVERYTHING!" Dawn cackled evilly. "I DEMAND FOR SOMETHING TO HAPPEN SO THAT I MAY MEET THE BLACK RIDER!" All bystanders were silent and were thinking that the girl was crazy. They weren't really that far off.

"...Nothing's gonna happe-" Shizuo began, but was cut off by a bunch of street thugs surrounding him.

"Today is the day that you will die, Shizuo Heiwajima!" Some random dude shouted. They then proceeded to get into a fight with Shizuo which ended with some guy shooting him. The thugs then retreated, thinking they one while Dawn, who remained miraculously unharmed with an empty bag of sour patch kids, looked over Shizuo.

"You're not gonna die, but let's get you to your deranged friend!" She proclaimed, and then proceeded to drag the strongest man to Shinra's place. And no one knew how she knew where he lived.

* * *

_KNOCK KNOCK!_

"I'm coming~!" Shinra said as he made his way to the door. He most certainly did not expect to see a smiling 12 year old girl with a bleeding Shizuo Heiwajima.

"Hi there!" She said. "My name is Dawn Kyda and I'm 12 years old. Nice to meet you, Shinra Kishitani, 24 year old illegal doctor. Shizuo-kun was shot in a street fight! May we come in?"

"Uhhh… Okay, but only for Shizuo!" Shinra said. "And I prefer the term 'underground.'"

"Yah okay whatever," Dawn said as she dragged Shizuo inside. "Is your fiancée here? I wanna meet the Headless Rider." The two males stiffened.

"W-what are you talking about?" Shinra laughed awkwardly. "The Headless Rider isn't here." Dawn rolled her eyes and opened a file. Wait, did she always have that? And where was that manga she had with her? AND WHERE DID SHE GET THE SOUR PATCH KIDS IN THE FIRST PLACE?

"Celty Sturluson, also known as the Headless Rider," she said. "Gender: Female. Age: Unknown. Species: Dullahan. Occupation: Transporter. Relationships: Fiancée of Shinra Kishitani, friend of Shizuo Heiwajima, Mikado Ryuugamine, and Anri Sonohara, acquaintance of Masaomi Kida and Izaya Orihara. Other: Formerly lived in Ireland until she lost her head, causing her to go to Japan to search for it. Now lives with Shinra Kishitani and has been for twenty years." Shinra gaped as Dawn put away the file in a magical space called the Duat.

"How do you know that?" Shinra asked.

"I KNOW EVERYTHING!" The girl laughed manically. "Well, actually I only know about a few people in Ikebukuro, but still!" Celty decided to arrive at that moment. She held up her phone. Who's this?

"She says her name's Dawn Kyda," Shinra explained. "She brought Shizuo here because he- OH RIGHT! I should probably treat that!" If Celty could facepalm, she would have.

"Are you sure you want to marry this guy?" Dawn asked. Celty typed a few things on her phone and held it up. Yes, but I'm not exactly sure what I see in him. Nice to meet you Dawn.

"Likewise," Dawn said, smiling. "I've always wanted to meet the Headless Rider."

_**Okay, so I've decided not to make this a one-shot, but I'm not exactly sure where this is going. I really need to fire that narrator. So my name isn't really Dawn Kyda, but I like that name so whenever I'm in a story, my name will be Dawn Kyda. I made this for my birthday, which is today (July 31) by the way. And yes, I am a 12 year old otaku that loves yaoi. In real life, I'd never be able to actually do any of this, but on the internet, I'm really crazy and this is how my inner mind sees things. I'm only using the main beginning characters in this because I don't know the newer characters too well. And this is in no specific timeline.**_

_**Oh yeah, I need someone to do the disclaimer. Uhhh… Masaomi, you do it or I'll make you be beat up by older woman!**_

_**Masaomi: Dawn doesn't own Durarara! She only owns Dawn, which is herself. She doesn't even own the Duat. She also doesn't own Hetalia or Kuroshituji and any other anime/manga mentioned. Now please don't make me get beat up!**_

_**Because if I owned that stuff, there would be quite a lot of yaoi in Durarara! and Hetalia. Does anyone know where the Duat is from? I'll be putting in more references to stuff on here as well. BE PREPARED YOUNG READERS! Does anyone else notice that most of the people on here are girls?**_


End file.
